Years ago, I took Mom to see an author speak. It was an opportunity for us to do something together, and it also pushed us both a bit outside our comfort zones. I always get a little nervous when I don’t know what to expect, and this intimate gathering was one of those moments. Bringing my mom along added another layer as I wondered if she truly enjoyed the book or was just coming along because I asked her.
Mom always supported me in all my endeavours, whether it was something she was into or not. That was something I didn’t appreciate enough at the time, but now that I am a mom myself, I see how much of her heart she gave to me and my brothers. She always showed up for us, always.
Mom and I trekked to Brooklyn hours before the event was set to begin. We arrived much earlier than we needed to because we didn’t know the extent of the traffic, where we would park, or if we would get lost. It was nice arriving early as it gave us a chance to have dinner before the event.
As the time inched closer, we found our way into the event space and enjoyed listening to the author share stories and go deeper into why she chose to write the book. We had the opportunity to meet her and get our book signed. When mom was with the author, she chatted for a bit, which I didn’t expect, but a bit of relief fell over me as I knew that she truly enjoyed being there, and she wasn’t just doing it for me.
On the car ride home, Mom brought up one of the stories the author shared about finding feathers from her husband after he passed. She told me about her sister Georgine, whom I had never met, as she died before I was born. After Georgine passed, Mom found feathers all the time. She knew they were a sign from her sister and brought her a sense of comfort. This was a piece of Mom I never knew about. She didn’t talk much about her sister, and I had no idea that when she found a feather, she thought of her.
It was a story I tucked in my heart, and I wasn’t reminded of until years later, when Mom sat on her own deathbed and a flock of ducks sat on her front lawn. Ducks were most certainly not a common occurrence, and for them to show up in that moment, I knew it was a sign.
After Mom passed, I found feathers in the most unexpected places. On my windshield, next to my bag, inside my shoe. I could never figure out how those feathers arrived, but there they were, saying hello and letting me know that she was near.
Over the years, I have collected so many feathers and have received tons of photos from friends and family when a feather crossed their path and they wanted to let me know they thought of me and Mom. It is truly amazing how one little thing can spread so far and be a beautiful reminder of all that was.
Emma never got the chance to meet Mom, but every time I see a feather, I let her know it’s from Grandma June. It is her way of saying “hello, I love you”. As Emma has gotten older, whenever she finds a feather, she will run to me and say, “Look Mama, from Grandma June.” In that moment, my heart melts and I know that even though they have never met, there is a connection that can’t be broken.
Dustin and I recently saw Dave Matthews live, and in the middle of one of his songs, he broke off into a piece of “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton. Tears began to fall from my face as I looked at Dustin and said, “This is my parents' song.” He pulled me in close and let me know that Mom is always looking down and is incredibly proud of the mother I have become.
The signs are all around. They are a beautiful reminder that the people we love are always with us. Always watching over. Always guiding. Always cheering us on. Sometimes we have to look a little bit harder to see them, but they are there.
I am so grateful that Mom came with me to that book reading years ago in Brooklyn. If she never did I never would have heard that story about Georgine and may not have known to look out for feathers. What a gift to have had that moment together and then to be able to hold onto it. And what a gift to see the signs that are all around.